This is What You Get From Me
Dec 26, 2014 21:55:33 GMT -8
luongod, snaggletooth, and 1 more like this
Post by Former Bad News on Dec 26, 2014 21:55:33 GMT -8
Ladies and Gentlemen, can I have some decorum please? It has come the time to announce the 14th overall selection in the S10 National Hockey League Entry Draft. Now for some of you, you have to been believed that the Ottawa Senators would be selecting at this 14th spot, however...
Not only has the Senators elected to put this trade on the chopping block, but they have done so with the Boston Bruins. In exchange for Doug Wilson, the Bad News Bears have acquired the 14th overall selection. With this, the entire shape of the draft, and the entire shape of the National Hockey League has completely changed thanks to the smart General Manager antics of both Ottawa and the Bad News Bears.
Now, with 13 picks in the books, it seems that our Bad News Bears have lost the chance on a possible great player. The previous teams selected great, great players. Ones that are destined to have great rookies. However, for the general managers before us today...
Paul Kariya is nothing but a little 5'10" hockey player who will get eaten up by the baddest of bad defensemen in the league. One hit by Ray Bourque, and he will be temporarily unconscious.
Chris Pronger has his best years coming in his first 4 years. After that, his legs will crumble beneath him.
Todd Bertuzzi will eventually get sued by Steve Moore for his mean streak attitude. Nothing will come of him afterwards.
Danny Alfredsson will always live in the shadow of the greatest Swedish hockey player, Mats Sundin. No matter what happens.
Ed Jovanovski will have a bland career with bland teams who will go nowhere near the National Hockey League Playoffs.
Bernie Federko will have the honor of being the only player to be quickly forgotten about. His only upside is is great moustache.
Tomas Holmstrom will ride the coat-tails of some other hockey player if he ever wins something, and claim to be a beneficial part to the efforts. We all know that he will have no career.
Milan Hejduk will also play the coat-tail riding card, and believe he is a legend after winning a Stanley Cup on the 4th line.
Ryan Smyth will stay with one team for almost his entire career, and watch it strive...and fall all in one swift process.
Patrik Elias has a career of mediocrity and leading a poor Czech Republic team coming to him. Give him good luck, because he desperately needs it.
Jason Arnott will be a heavy hitter...that being a heavy hit of missed shots on net and hits taken to him.
Saku Koivu has a life of non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma toward him. He will miss an entire season because of this, and he will never be an impact forward...ever!
And Bryan McCabe will see his best year come and go in his rookie season. After that, he will never see the ice again as the same player.
Now, without further adieu. The Boston Bruins are proud to select the best player in the draft. He is already remembered as the greatest Slovakian to ever set foot on the face of the earth. His name is already remembered by millions of hockey fanatics. And, no, his name is not Zdeno Chara. He is even better than that.
With the 14th Overall Selection in the S10 National Hockey League Entry Draft, the Bad News Bruins are proud to select the great Slovak Machine Pavol Demitra!
Now, with that player being selected, the rest of the National Hockey League will suffer and see their teams crumble, as the defending Stanley Cup Champions thrive and win another one. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I just hope I can do this for you guys on a regular basis.
